Me 6 months ago, looks at current me and is disgusted.
I have let me down.
I'm sorry doesn't come close.
I need some sympathy and pity, for I don't deserve anything else.
Me 6 months ago asks of me now... How is it that I touch my child with these hands? How do I kiss her with that mouth?
I drown in guilt. Wish I was drowning in real.
Always hated death by drowning... Always been afraid of it... Now hoping to drown in acid and die.
I'm so much in a dilemma right now. I don't know what I am doing. Whom am I hurting? Why am I doing what I am?
It easy to give things a label, but the fact is, what I'm doing doesn't even deserve a label. Even the most clichéd label doesn't come close to what this is.
I felt so guilty and dirty after doing what I did. Am I so weak, that I have ignored all the warning bells in my head? Of course I'm that weak. I wouldn't have let things go that far otherwise.
Even single value is getting broken, my pride is in smithereens... Loyalty, integrity, responsibility, commitment, trust truth, morality... Nothing has been left untainted. Even things that shouldn't matter - habits, behavior, caste... Everything has been murdered. Everything is either dead or dying.
All this, even when you said that what you feel has shaken, that we have different value systems.
It makes me sick to my stomach about what I did, despite which, I know I will continue to do it.
I can't think, but I can't not think. What have I gotten into!!
